Toast - to end and to welcome what it is to come.

Now the time comes to bid goodbye to another year and to look forward to the next. I have to admit, it wasn't really a good year but it wasn't bad either. But looking back, I'm still grateful to have finally survive a year full of bullcrap.

To be honest, there's nothing to write about. There's nothing to brag about. My 2013 went like a blur and I'm really relieved to know that it's going to be over in a matter of hours. I may have done wrong decisions and have been too careless, I'm still happy that I get another year to make up for the things I lost. And really, I have a lot of things to be thankful for. 

I know.. I don't want you to think that I'm being oh so dramatic with this one being all pessimistic and all that. I'm just stating a fact. Well anyway, I'll try... 

I thank God with so much blessings that I received this year. So many opportunities.. I know I have wasted some but I'm somehow contented with the life I'm living. 

I've very thankful for still having the sanity and maturity to do things. I know I've been so mean and insensitive with my body (with all that work and partying) glad I didn't have much sickness worse than having Dengue last January. I'm very thankful that my family has been healthy and in good shape.  

My career... it was great actually. Quitting last year was the best thing I did and I have no regrets. A fresh start is what I need. When I signed up for Solaire I know it wasn't going to be easy. I know I have to deal with a lot of stress and I was right. I'm in too much stress right now. Working 9 hours a day, 6 times a week on a shifting schedule can do a lot of things to you. I still have perks though. My love for anything with Pasta grew when I started working in an Italian Restaurant. and yeah.. who doesn't love Italian??? The pasta, and all that cheese and cold cuts.. yum!yum! Oh! and I get to know a lot of things while working here. (Restaurant management, customer service, making bola bola with your boss) Because of what I do, I met a lot of great people and the not so great ones. (I'm not complaining) I met people I can trust my whole life with and there are some I shouldn't have. But it's alright.. It happens. I'm thankful that I get to meet those people. They make my life interesting. Frankly, I don't know how long will I last here. There are times that I want to quit simply because I'm too tired to deal with the same shit everyday but because it pays good money, I reconsider. But I think I can still hold on. Ask me after 6 months, maybe I'll have a different answer. 12 months working in the Food and Beverage Industry is really really hard I must admit. I miss my work at the airport actually. But sometimes you've got to think about the money. They're right when they say you should find a job you love, maybe I haven't found the one for me yet. 

I know I've been working too hard and failed to get in touch with my friends. I am really sorry. But this how it is for me. I work, I go home, I sleep and I go to work the next day. I know I always say that I don't have a social life anymore it's because working is what I love to do. Yeah, it's not going to hurt if I go out once a week to meet up with some old friends. It's just that... I'm too tired to see them anymore. With that, I am very sorry. I don't want to promise that I will make time for you because I said that the last time and it went worse. If we don't talk doesn't mean I don't think of you. I wish you well and I know we'll have time to catch up. I'm just too lazy to bother. 

I'm not really sure but I do hope that my parents are proud of me. I know I'm still living under their roof for the past 25 years. I do want to be independent but with the money I'm earning, nevermind. I hope their proud that I don't ask money from them anymore and I'm being mature enough to make my own decisions. I love my parents and that's my way to show how much I do. I have my own way of showing it though. I'm thankful that they're in good health and in good relationship. and that's my wish for the years to come. 

Being with Jeff for the past 3 years was a rollercoaster. We had love and some misadventures but that didn't change the fact that we're crazy about each other. I thank god for giving such patient man to endure me. I know I have been a pain in the ass for the past 12 months and I can't promise that I won't be in the next (joke lang bibi) But I assure, I will be better. After all, 2014 is going to be our year right, baby? :)  I love him very much and I am very very grateful that I get to spend the remaining of my days with him. That I get the chance to be happy. Enough of the drama. 

Time to leave the past as a new door of opportunity opens. Who knows? Maybe I'll win the lottery next year. So here's my middle finger for 2013. You didn't break me! haha! 2014 is the year to be reckon with. THIS IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR. 

Cheers! 

Looking back. (Year end Special)

Every year, before the clock strikes to midnight, to bid goodbye to another year and to say hello to a new one, I look back and somehow try to say thank you to people, things and experiences I had may it be good or bad. 2012 has been good to me. Really. I have to say it's one of the best years I had so far. and fortunately, my years are starting to get better and better. :)

January: Thank You for giving me a fresh start. To grab more opportunities, to learn from my mistakes in the past years, to meet new friends, and just to live life the way it should be. Many times I've been complaining how exhausting my job can be but still You gave me the strength to wake up each morning todo what has to be done. Thank You for giving me a chance to meet people who taught me so much about life. For new friends that I can always turn to, for the old ones that stayed.

February: Ah... the month of Love. it was a bit disappointing, my Valentine still lives in the other side of the planet and well, can't spend the day with me. I'm still thankful that You gave me someone that can actually understand how insane I am. For letting me love someone wholeheartedly... never expecting to be loved this much as well. I know you have plans for us. That one time to be together permanently will come in Your time. I know it will because You my Lord you know what's for me.

March: To say Goodbye to friends and people who you knew cared for you as well is a bit sad. But I don't believe in goodbyes. The month I left my job to wander in another country. To see my bestfriend and her cute daughter, to be with my love of my life. The moment I saw him waiting for me at the airport as I clumsily push my cart, was the most wonderful feeling in the whole world. Its as if a weight has been lifted. All the sadness and longing in the past month didn't matter anymore because I'm seeing him with my own eyes and not just in the screen. The pain of the fact that you can't holding hi  at night when you're scared didn't matter because he's holding your hand. What mattered is that moment. I felt infinite.

April - May: It was nice to see different places, to do things you haven't done before, to go to places you've never been to. To have new friends. It's a difeerent life in the US. I know for a fact that I'm not really staying at all but it felt like I'm going to. I must say that I kinda learned how to be independent while I was there. That I have to clean after myself, to clean my room everyday, to have my laundry done every two weeks, Jeff even taught me how to cook. I learned how to change dirty diapers, to make a baby sleep. lots. oh. There was one time that I get to drive in the US. and it was way way way too different from here. totally. During those months I missed home. I miss my mother's voice shouting, my siblings fighting over whatever that is, my father, my cat. My room, my bed. My friends back home. yeah, I'm homesick. and the funny thing is, I'm going home anyway.

June: Just like last year, I get to spend it with Jeff. and this time I got really really sick prolly because of the weather. It was different. I've never felt that sick my entire life. not that I can recall. I can't sleep at night because I'm coughing non stop. I get chills. Jeff had to go to the drugstore to get me meds, I was sick for a month I think. One maybe because I decided to quit smoking. Withdrawal symptoms started to happened or something. Like always, I don't want my birthdays to be extravagant. I'm good with a few bottles of liquor and a little company. Jeff took me to out on a date. something we never really get to do since we always have the Facetime dates. I'm thankful for that. I'm really lucky to have him to take care of me even when I'm sick. To make me happy with the smallest of things. I'm such a lucky bitch.

July: His Birthday month. We get to celebrate it with his family and some friends. It's really fun considering Me going home the next month. He's unaware but every night, I have trouble sleeping because I'm getting all sad knowing that I'm not really staying and we to go back to our normal lives, living in different timezones. I tried to show him that it's fine but there are times that I just break down and cry.

August: Probably the saddest month of the year. My Grandes Vacances in California is about to end. here I cry every single night, I get nightmares, I get quiet, paranoid. A part of me wants to go home because of my family and friends but most part of me wants to stay with him. We had a long talk about it though which is the right thing to do. I can't stop crying at the airport til i got to HongKong. I'm pretty sure the guys next to me on the plane is confuse. or maybe thought i was stupid. I really don't want to go home. But I have to.

September - October - November: I call this the bum days. Literally. Okay, I was jet lagged and too depressed to go out of the house. I spent these months talking to my boyfriend hoping that some magic can make me go back in Milpitas. But I have to get my visa renewed thou... so boo.

December: Now this is better, the time I got hired for a position in a soon to open hotel and casino in Manila. well, I'm to be a receptionist for an Italian fine dining restaurant. Now, if you would ask me if I have any experience, the answer is not at all. What I know is some blah blahs in customer service. I'm still thankful they accepted me. I'm willing to go on training which will happen by the end of January next year. the hotel is to open on March. I just hope by that time, I know what to do. This month I also realize that my grand plans of having another vacation in the US will come to a halt since they refused to give me a visa. Ask the US consul, I'm still at loss why they did that. So I'm nagging Jeff to go here in manila, well, to spend time with his girlfriend. Then the alcoholic days began, and poof! I'm drunk. and that's what I do best.

2012 was really a blur for me since I spend it away from my usual environment but I'm very glad I did. I have no regrets on quitting my job and spending almost half a year doing my boyfriend's laundry in return of shopping non stop. I didn't regret of losing $400 in Vegas because I get to play in the snow. FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME. I'm still pissed about the visa thing but I'm still thankful 'cause I get to spend time with my boyfriend and had the chance to know him more. Now I am very sure that I want to spend my life with him. I don't mind spending 3 months being a bum cause I'm going to start a new job that pays a lot better than the previous one.

I'm not really sure what 2013 has in store for me, but I'm ready.

here's my middle finger, BRING IT ON!

and now.... the end is near? nah.

Before this year ends, i'd like to look back on everything that took place this year. I have this need to acknowledge everything and everyone that made this year awesome and exciting.
I came so fast. I didn't even realize that it's almost Christmas and another year is right around the corner. so let me have this opportunity to have my say on some things.

I thank the Lord for giving me this year full of opportunities and trials. If it weren't for Him, I wouldn't be here. For all the blessings He bestowed on me and my family and my loved ones... thank you. To God be the glory!

To my friends for being there. I know ... I know ... I lack social life and I rarely hang out with you guys. I just realized, we're indeed getting older. Grown ups don't go out with their friends anymore. the just work. It's just me.. i am getting older. I know I don't have the time to see you. I hope that you understand that I prefer sleeping than drinking. hehe. I know that I get to talk to you on Twitter, Facebook or through SMS. I know I ditched a lot of night outs with you. I'm sorry. I don't promise that i'll be different next year, that I will go out with you guys. haha. Because I won't. But I will try. Alam niyo naman ako.. masyadong seryoso sa buhay. nagpapayaman. I hope the best for all of you and your families. Nawa'y tayong lahat ay yumaman.

To my family, Ma, Pa, Thank you for giving me money to gas up Elmo every week though you make me feel bad every Sundays. You know what I mean. For getting me free food everytime you guys go out. (kahit sapilitan yun) i know I can't get to be with you because of work. (I know I always blame work) Sorry I don't get to give you gifts this Yule. Saka nalang kapag I earn dollars. ;) I love you guys.

To my work: YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A BITCH SOMETIMES. I hate delays, miscons, hotacs, irate pax, offloaded, yung mga pasaherong maaasim na wala naman sa lugar. You can be really unfair. But thanks to you I get to have a new experince, new friends, horrible and not-so horibble bosses. Thank you for making me feel the joy of getting the money you've worked for so hard in the ATM machine. The joy of getting free food during delays (Aglio Olio + Buffalo wings + Pumpkin soup yum! yum!)


To my one and only: Words aren't really enough. I will make this short but sweet. You're by far the best has yet to come. and I thank you for being there despite the distance. I know somehow we'll get through this like we always do. I love you.