Toast - to end and to welcome what it is to come.

Now the time comes to bid goodbye to another year and to look forward to the next. I have to admit, it wasn't really a good year but it wasn't bad either. But looking back, I'm still grateful to have finally survive a year full of bullcrap.

To be honest, there's nothing to write about. There's nothing to brag about. My 2013 went like a blur and I'm really relieved to know that it's going to be over in a matter of hours. I may have done wrong decisions and have been too careless, I'm still happy that I get another year to make up for the things I lost. And really, I have a lot of things to be thankful for. 

I know.. I don't want you to think that I'm being oh so dramatic with this one being all pessimistic and all that. I'm just stating a fact. Well anyway, I'll try... 

I thank God with so much blessings that I received this year. So many opportunities.. I know I have wasted some but I'm somehow contented with the life I'm living. 

I've very thankful for still having the sanity and maturity to do things. I know I've been so mean and insensitive with my body (with all that work and partying) glad I didn't have much sickness worse than having Dengue last January. I'm very thankful that my family has been healthy and in good shape.  

My career... it was great actually. Quitting last year was the best thing I did and I have no regrets. A fresh start is what I need. When I signed up for Solaire I know it wasn't going to be easy. I know I have to deal with a lot of stress and I was right. I'm in too much stress right now. Working 9 hours a day, 6 times a week on a shifting schedule can do a lot of things to you. I still have perks though. My love for anything with Pasta grew when I started working in an Italian Restaurant. and yeah.. who doesn't love Italian??? The pasta, and all that cheese and cold cuts.. yum!yum! Oh! and I get to know a lot of things while working here. (Restaurant management, customer service, making bola bola with your boss) Because of what I do, I met a lot of great people and the not so great ones. (I'm not complaining) I met people I can trust my whole life with and there are some I shouldn't have. But it's alright.. It happens. I'm thankful that I get to meet those people. They make my life interesting. Frankly, I don't know how long will I last here. There are times that I want to quit simply because I'm too tired to deal with the same shit everyday but because it pays good money, I reconsider. But I think I can still hold on. Ask me after 6 months, maybe I'll have a different answer. 12 months working in the Food and Beverage Industry is really really hard I must admit. I miss my work at the airport actually. But sometimes you've got to think about the money. They're right when they say you should find a job you love, maybe I haven't found the one for me yet. 

I know I've been working too hard and failed to get in touch with my friends. I am really sorry. But this how it is for me. I work, I go home, I sleep and I go to work the next day. I know I always say that I don't have a social life anymore it's because working is what I love to do. Yeah, it's not going to hurt if I go out once a week to meet up with some old friends. It's just that... I'm too tired to see them anymore. With that, I am very sorry. I don't want to promise that I will make time for you because I said that the last time and it went worse. If we don't talk doesn't mean I don't think of you. I wish you well and I know we'll have time to catch up. I'm just too lazy to bother. 

I'm not really sure but I do hope that my parents are proud of me. I know I'm still living under their roof for the past 25 years. I do want to be independent but with the money I'm earning, nevermind. I hope their proud that I don't ask money from them anymore and I'm being mature enough to make my own decisions. I love my parents and that's my way to show how much I do. I have my own way of showing it though. I'm thankful that they're in good health and in good relationship. and that's my wish for the years to come. 

Being with Jeff for the past 3 years was a rollercoaster. We had love and some misadventures but that didn't change the fact that we're crazy about each other. I thank god for giving such patient man to endure me. I know I have been a pain in the ass for the past 12 months and I can't promise that I won't be in the next (joke lang bibi) But I assure, I will be better. After all, 2014 is going to be our year right, baby? :)  I love him very much and I am very very grateful that I get to spend the remaining of my days with him. That I get the chance to be happy. Enough of the drama. 

Time to leave the past as a new door of opportunity opens. Who knows? Maybe I'll win the lottery next year. So here's my middle finger for 2013. You didn't break me! haha! 2014 is the year to be reckon with. THIS IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR. 

Cheers! 

Getting inked.

My plans of going to Dutdutan 2013 was ruined by rain and traffic. Well, I'm feeling lazy that day too so... 

Part of the boyfriend's itinerary is to get a tattoo. He likes to have a koi fish tattoo in his forearm. I do have plans of getting one but I'm still not sure where to put it and I'm still scouting for good artists for a reasonable price. I do have some artist in mind though. It's still for next year anyway so I'm not rushing. Still looking for good designs. 

And the waiting has begun.

Few weeks back I've been busy with ze boyfriend about his plans of going here to visit. Can you imagine my excitement? I haven't seen the guy for a year and a half so this meeting has to be puurrfect. We've been planning this vacation for so long but since he just started a new job, he can't get a vacation right away. 

February 2014 it is. 

He's taking a two week vacation from work to go here. And I'm currently preparing the itinerary. There's so much to do but so little time. I wish he could've planned to stay longer... But we have future plans (about me moving there and all that shiz) I'm also in charge of the budget... (Maybe I can over budget to get that Prada bag... Hmmmm) 

I am really really really excited. 

You'll miss me when I'm gone.

In a split second I was there. 

He never had to ask. 

I was all he needed

...well that's what I thought. 

He was everything I hoped for. I almost gave it all. 

But in a snap it changed everything. Like I woke up from a dream. 

That's when I walked away. No explanations. No expectations. 

Without looking back, vanished without a trace. 

You're my snowstorm, babe.

Home on a Friday night.

I am indeed getting old. I went on leave just to stay at home and sleep. I spent like 24 hours sleeping! I felt like a pregnant woman. anyway, I want to go out of town but I don't want to spend anything. Can someone like kidnap me and pay for a full tank of gas and I'll be willing to drive around... just let me eat Japanese food. 

Oh shit.

You make my heart skip a beat. Not really a good feeling. But it seems so right. I will try hard to stop these feelings going on further. I know you're trouble. people like you always do.

DAY OFF!

T'was a long week for me. Business was great in Finestra like always. Although there were days that were too slow and the sales are low. But in the end, we made good business. Enough about work, since it's my day off, I'm lounging here in my room drinking my Tanduay Ice watching my news, talking with my boyfriend. (ahhhhh.. the good life.) I really don't have nothing to say now. I've been living the same shit everyday. Work - Home  -Work. I could say that the internet is my refuge... my escape from all the bustle This is my time not to think of anything but nonsense. I am not making any sense here. 

Oh well, 

I should go back with my drinking. 

There's still you.

It's been a year and there's this void, a black hole that pulls me and think back what could've been. When I think of you, there's a sharp pain in my chest that quickly subsides. My stomach turns, I feel light headed. It's really weird how you make me feel even after all this time. You have such effect that stops me, that somehow breaks every little piece of me.

You have no idea.

I sometimes don't know what to do with my life. I wake up in the morning, go to work, go home tired, go out with my friends when I have the chance. I drink when I got the chance. I splurge when there's a chance.

There's something missing.

naaaa.. I'm just bored.

OMG!

GET ME THIS GOWN ON MY WEDDING DAY!!!!!!!! 

I'm not a bitch. but I killed you in my head so many times.

I'm not very hard to deal with. In fact, it's me who is having a hard time relating to other people. Maybe it's me being passive and negative and somehow perfectionist nature that makes people intimidated by my presence. (I am making no sense here) If you get to know me, I'm a generally happy person who loves to talk and tell stories about my life on how messed up my love life is. In short, I'm nice. really.

But there's one thing that pisses me off. You may call it a pet peeve. Basta, it is something I really hate and would ruin my day even if you give me Finestra's Veal Cutlet Milanese. You know what that is? As shallow as it may get... I hate dumb people. You would like them anyway? People who do not use their brain. Not even half of it. People who asks questions not even bothering if it's even a right question. I know... I know... It's not bad to ask questions. Why would you even ask something you already know? Common Sense. That's something people around these days don't use. I can forgive Filipino drivers who do not use their signal lights when turning... (But really, that pisses me off too)

Alright enough.

Today was a god/bad/fine/fucked up/alright day for me. I'm hanging on.

Okay.. I have to call the boyfriend now.

*Face Palm*

So today's been a good day for work. Didn't have much to do aside from the fact that I'm alone in the reception. It's fine by me. I'm used to it now. On my way home after work, my co-worker Rennel was with me since I can drop him off somewhere in EDSA which happens every time we're on the same shift. I was alone driving going to Magallanes when a man in blue shirt and shorts stopped me. Patay. I knew I was in trouble. I tried to remember what I did seconds before. I didn't swerve, cut or whatever. but why??? I'm not even on color coding. It's Wednesday night. I'm pretty sure I can drive on Wednesday night. I pulled over, opened my window and smile to Mr. MMDA person. I even politely asked what's wrong. Then it hit me, I don't have my license plate yet. Apparently there's a No Plate, No Travel policy that's been circulating since Monday which no one told me.. not even my parents. So I panicked. I asked how much will be the penalty. He told me that it's two thousand something (I really don't remember at all) I asked if I can pay it through bank... he said no. and I ask if I can get my license back after the gives me the ticket. He said no. MY MIND WHEN CRAZY. I wanted to hit the gas and get out of there but I know I can't because I'm in the Philippines and it's seven in the evening and I'm in freaking EDSA! I asked the MMDA guy for options. I don't want to get my license confiscated. I don't want to commute to work. ewwwwwww.. So he suggested that I pay their percentage or whatever you call it that's around one thousand five hundred. I told him I don't have money with me. I even show him my wallet that contained less than a five hundred pesos. I can pay him with such amount if I can go to the nearest ATM and withdraw. but the nearest one is in Magallanes.

So what I did.. I called my Father to ask help. He talked to the guy and that's it! I don't know what he told him... maybe I'll ask when he comes home. But after call, the MMDA person let me go. Is my Dad like Chuck Norris or Liam Neeson (in Taken) or something? But the Enforcer did ask some money ... extortion huh? I know. I could've called the police to report but nahhhh... I don't want to be in the news. and besides, the mere fact that he pulled me over was a huge hassle for me. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm sleepy. I have no time to explain that I don't have my license plate because the LTO cannot issue one as of the moment.

I just need to rest.

all of that drama could have been avoided if I showed this letter.

and maybe.. just maybe... I'm not making this senseless story anymore! 

I am sorry to waste your time. 

Good night, I have a sleep to catch. 

How may I assist you?

Maybe I should let you see what I look like at work. Too feminine for my taste but if it's pay good, why not? 

I work as a receptionist in an Italian restaurant in the newly opened Solaire Resort & Casino in the Entertainment City in Paranaque. (The first in the area) So far it's good but I know I have lots to learn. But yeah, I'm having fun. 

Four months and counting.

The last time it was the end of 2012. Time flies so fast and I didn't even notice that my probation at work is almost over. You may ask me how's working in a casino- hotel? I would really happy to tell you that's it's much better to drink til 3AM in the slot machine than to stay up until 2 AM smiling and greeting your guests Buon Giorno. It takes a lot of getting used to actually. At first I would end up teary eyed after every shift because of wearing 3 - inch heels for 9 hours ++. (After months of complaining the management decided to allow us to wear 1 - inch heels.) I can now fulfill the duties of an average receptionist in a fine dining setting. (at least I thought I was) and I am developing a love for Italian food. I do love the cuisine. But this time, it's love. 

I'm kinda sleeping now so many I'll cut it from here. I could update this anytime anyway because I gots myself a new and improved Netbook. (That's what they call Laptops now right?)

Looking back. (Year end Special)

Every year, before the clock strikes to midnight, to bid goodbye to another year and to say hello to a new one, I look back and somehow try to say thank you to people, things and experiences I had may it be good or bad. 2012 has been good to me. Really. I have to say it's one of the best years I had so far. and fortunately, my years are starting to get better and better. :)

January: Thank You for giving me a fresh start. To grab more opportunities, to learn from my mistakes in the past years, to meet new friends, and just to live life the way it should be. Many times I've been complaining how exhausting my job can be but still You gave me the strength to wake up each morning todo what has to be done. Thank You for giving me a chance to meet people who taught me so much about life. For new friends that I can always turn to, for the old ones that stayed.

February: Ah... the month of Love. it was a bit disappointing, my Valentine still lives in the other side of the planet and well, can't spend the day with me. I'm still thankful that You gave me someone that can actually understand how insane I am. For letting me love someone wholeheartedly... never expecting to be loved this much as well. I know you have plans for us. That one time to be together permanently will come in Your time. I know it will because You my Lord you know what's for me.

March: To say Goodbye to friends and people who you knew cared for you as well is a bit sad. But I don't believe in goodbyes. The month I left my job to wander in another country. To see my bestfriend and her cute daughter, to be with my love of my life. The moment I saw him waiting for me at the airport as I clumsily push my cart, was the most wonderful feeling in the whole world. Its as if a weight has been lifted. All the sadness and longing in the past month didn't matter anymore because I'm seeing him with my own eyes and not just in the screen. The pain of the fact that you can't holding hi  at night when you're scared didn't matter because he's holding your hand. What mattered is that moment. I felt infinite.

April - May: It was nice to see different places, to do things you haven't done before, to go to places you've never been to. To have new friends. It's a difeerent life in the US. I know for a fact that I'm not really staying at all but it felt like I'm going to. I must say that I kinda learned how to be independent while I was there. That I have to clean after myself, to clean my room everyday, to have my laundry done every two weeks, Jeff even taught me how to cook. I learned how to change dirty diapers, to make a baby sleep. lots. oh. There was one time that I get to drive in the US. and it was way way way too different from here. totally. During those months I missed home. I miss my mother's voice shouting, my siblings fighting over whatever that is, my father, my cat. My room, my bed. My friends back home. yeah, I'm homesick. and the funny thing is, I'm going home anyway.

June: Just like last year, I get to spend it with Jeff. and this time I got really really sick prolly because of the weather. It was different. I've never felt that sick my entire life. not that I can recall. I can't sleep at night because I'm coughing non stop. I get chills. Jeff had to go to the drugstore to get me meds, I was sick for a month I think. One maybe because I decided to quit smoking. Withdrawal symptoms started to happened or something. Like always, I don't want my birthdays to be extravagant. I'm good with a few bottles of liquor and a little company. Jeff took me to out on a date. something we never really get to do since we always have the Facetime dates. I'm thankful for that. I'm really lucky to have him to take care of me even when I'm sick. To make me happy with the smallest of things. I'm such a lucky bitch.

July: His Birthday month. We get to celebrate it with his family and some friends. It's really fun considering Me going home the next month. He's unaware but every night, I have trouble sleeping because I'm getting all sad knowing that I'm not really staying and we to go back to our normal lives, living in different timezones. I tried to show him that it's fine but there are times that I just break down and cry.

August: Probably the saddest month of the year. My Grandes Vacances in California is about to end. here I cry every single night, I get nightmares, I get quiet, paranoid. A part of me wants to go home because of my family and friends but most part of me wants to stay with him. We had a long talk about it though which is the right thing to do. I can't stop crying at the airport til i got to HongKong. I'm pretty sure the guys next to me on the plane is confuse. or maybe thought i was stupid. I really don't want to go home. But I have to.

September - October - November: I call this the bum days. Literally. Okay, I was jet lagged and too depressed to go out of the house. I spent these months talking to my boyfriend hoping that some magic can make me go back in Milpitas. But I have to get my visa renewed thou... so boo.

December: Now this is better, the time I got hired for a position in a soon to open hotel and casino in Manila. well, I'm to be a receptionist for an Italian fine dining restaurant. Now, if you would ask me if I have any experience, the answer is not at all. What I know is some blah blahs in customer service. I'm still thankful they accepted me. I'm willing to go on training which will happen by the end of January next year. the hotel is to open on March. I just hope by that time, I know what to do. This month I also realize that my grand plans of having another vacation in the US will come to a halt since they refused to give me a visa. Ask the US consul, I'm still at loss why they did that. So I'm nagging Jeff to go here in manila, well, to spend time with his girlfriend. Then the alcoholic days began, and poof! I'm drunk. and that's what I do best.

2012 was really a blur for me since I spend it away from my usual environment but I'm very glad I did. I have no regrets on quitting my job and spending almost half a year doing my boyfriend's laundry in return of shopping non stop. I didn't regret of losing $400 in Vegas because I get to play in the snow. FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME. I'm still pissed about the visa thing but I'm still thankful 'cause I get to spend time with my boyfriend and had the chance to know him more. Now I am very sure that I want to spend my life with him. I don't mind spending 3 months being a bum cause I'm going to start a new job that pays a lot better than the previous one.

I'm not really sure what 2013 has in store for me, but I'm ready.

here's my middle finger, BRING IT ON!

Hey You! Yeah, You!

Apparently, I am. *applause* I have to apologize especially to myself since I've been kinda lazy... Not kinda, I really am lazy. It's been almost 2 months since I last wrote. So that means, the family's computer's been down for quite sometime now. I really have to get that fixed.

NEWS. NEWS. NEWS.

For the latest, I am still unemployed. Well, about the last post... That job my father asked to squished me in, well. I sort of got it. *screams like a crazy person* I'm gonna be a Restaurant Hostess in an Italian outlet and I'll start training next year. I already have the contract with me and I must say.... It's a lot better than the last job I had. But really I'm thankful.

I don't think I'll be going back to the US of A anytime soon. I'm giving myself a year or two here before actually moving there for good. I told my mom about it and she supports my decisions but asked me to stay for a least a year to pull myself together. And besides I need to save some money. I'm 24 and unemployed. I only have less than 5,000 pesos in my wallet. I have no bank accounts whatsoever and I still live with my parents so that's kinda embarrassing.

Today's the 23rd and that marks our 27th month being together well not really. Right now, Bibi is with his friends prolly getting drunk with Tequila and Whisky. If you ask me how am I doing about being back here and him being there, well, I'm doing okay. I don't miss him that much anymore. Maybe at night when it's cold and dark and I need a teddy bear hug. We both know that eventually we'll find a way to be together even if it means of me going to the US Embassy and get my Fiancée visa. We have plans, but for now... We need $$$$$. And lots and lots of it. He's thinking of going here next year... Prolly on my birthday. A two to three week vacation sounds good. And that would depend on his work. So I hope, he gets a good three weeks worth of vacation. We always want to go to Cebu.

These past few weeks a lot has happened in this house which made me even close to my family especially to my mom. I realized that I can't really leave just yet. I still have some unfinished business and a lot of things to work out. But all in all, I'm still thankful that despite the hardships, we still manage to become as one.

Christmas Time is coming... The year's about to end. I've got no regrets this ear, actually it's one of the best years I had so far. I don't know what lies ahead on 2013, but I'm ready.

Ciao!

Hello World.

You maybe thought that I finally got a job since I've been avoiding writing to you. well, no. I don't have one. yet. But I did give a copy of my resume to Papa. Well, he sort of know someone that knows someone in the Hotel/Casino thing. And he was hoping that person can squish me. I'll take any job. seriously. I just need to do something really productive especially now... that I have no idea when and how am I going to go to the States. (My visa application is still on process and my boyfriend... I can't pressure him to work harder and earn money and get me house in San Francisco. I just can't) I'm actually giving him two years.. I don't mind waiting for another year here.

Anyway,I've been perfectly well. just got back from Tacloban. I went there with the family for my father's birthday. This year he wanted to celebrate it with his childhood friends. He even bought goodies for families who needed help. goodie bags contained rice, canned good and some noodles. Nice huh?

He did managed to get every visitor drunk with beer and Tuba. (some kind of Palm Wine.) and they started dancing to Gangnam Style. it was fun and kinda ridiculous if you know what I mean. but fun. I did enjoy the weekend but I wish I can bring the boyfriend with me. maybe next time. 

next time. 

okay I'm tired. I wanna drink! 

Ciao! 

Eto lang masasabi ko...

Bukas ang Republic Act 10175 o mas kilala na Cyber Crime Prevention Act of 2012 ay maipapatupad na ng Korte Suprema bukas. Madami sa ating mga kababayan lalo na yung mga Internet literate ang nagsamasama para ipakita ang kanilang pagkadismaya. Maging sa mga social networking sites tulad ng Facebook at Twitter makikita ang mga hindi magagandang reaksyon ng tao. Malinaw na hindi nila tinatanggap ang pagpasa ng batas na ito. Kung iisipin, ano ba itong RA 10175? Sa aking pagkakaintindi, ito ay may kinalaman sa mga krimen na ginagamitan ng internet. duh? pasok yung Cybersex, Identity Theft, Hacking, Illegal Access on Information, Data or System Interference, Forgery, Child Pornography, Libel, Cyber-squatting at marami pang iba. Nakakabahala lang... Kung sasabihin kong ang galing ni Mayor kase wala na siyang ginawa kundi mag-Casino at tumambay sa Derby ng manok, ay pwede na pala akong makasuhan ng Libel at makulong ng 12 na taon at magbayad ng 1,000,000,000 piso? Kung sasabihin kong walang ipinasang magandang batas si Senador X ay ganun din? Aba, hindi naman ata tama yon.

Parang lahat nalang tayo ay naglolokohan nalang dito? Na magpaplastikan tayo at sasabihin natin na ang galing ni Congressman at idol ko siya yun pala madami pala siyang pinagawang tulay sa ibang lugar pero hindi naman siya Congressman doon. Kung maglolokohan nalang pala sa gobyerno, ay aba! Gumawa nalang tayo ng isang malaking teleserye tutal malapit naman ng matapos yung Walang Hanggan. Nakakadismaya, marami namang batas na pwedeng mas bigyan ng pansin... tulad ng RH Bill, yung para sa mga Kasambahay natin na Kasabahay Bill. maraming mga bagay sa bansang ito na nangangailangan ng aksyon. Paano makakatulong ang RA 10175 ay lumalaganap na krimen sa Manila? krimen sa mga eskwelahan? sa Bullying? sa Hazing? Paano makakatulong ang batas sa Baha? sa Jueteng? Sa Drugs? Kakulangan ng Paaralan? ng Guro? sa mga tiwaling pulis? Tatanggalin ng batas na Ito Ang karapatan natin para sabihin ang nasa loob natin. Asan na ang sinasabi nilang Demokrasya at kalayaan? Wala na.

Ang akin lang, sana mas binigyan nila ng pansin yung mga bagay na talagang kailangan ng pansin. Oo binatikos ka ng mga nasa baba, kase nasa itaas ka. at inaasahan naming mga tao na nasa ibaba na gumawa ka ng tama at nakaaayon sa nakararami. Na umaasa kami na magkakaroon pa ng pagasa na bumangon ang bansa natin.

Sa totoo lang, nawawalan na talaga ako ng pagasa sa Pilipinas. Kung pwede na akong umalis ngayon, aalis na talaga ako. Ngayon ko masasabi na talagang nawala na ang kompiyansa ko sa goberyno natin.

Kaya sa darating na eleksyon, malamang mahihirapan akong bumoto. Mangilan ngilan nalang ang nagnanais na maglingkod ng tapat at maayos sa bayan. Ilan nalang ang may sapat na kakayahan. yung mga utak at common sense.

Tama na, baka makulong pa ako dito.

A slight change.

For the reason I wanted to make my page a lot more personal, I got myself an online signature from Mylivesiganture.com. Actually I found the site a week ago. Thought they gonna charge you for your sign, so I bailed on the idea. after reading more thoroughly, I got it. hehehe. (I was a bit in a rush that day)

Well anyway... here it is. =)