Sigh.

Been staying here for a month now. I'm not really sure how long I'm staying here. If the plans push through, I'll be home ASAP. I miss home actually. I miss work, I miss my friends, my family. I can always go out to the mall whenever I wanted to. Here, I have to ask the boyfriend to drive me to the nearest Wal-mart store just to get shampoo. And that sari-sari store near my house where I can get cigarette by the stick.

Life here is really different. Maybe I'm just homesick. I'm not used to being alone in the house every afternoon. The house is dead quiet in the midday. you have to cook your own meals if you're hungry. you do you're own laundry, you have to clean after yourself. you're on your own when you're in the US.

i really miss home.

so what's up? currently having a vacation. i'm jobless, almost out of money but I'm fine. The father sent me a hefty amount of money not for me but to get things for him and the family. They're not aware that I'm not going home with the stuffs though. I'll sent it via cargo. I wonder what will happen next.

mygahd. i am not in the mood. fuck that shit.

Spark.

I still think of you. I wish I can tell you that. You've never been out of my thoughts since I left. I wish I could tell you how hard it is for me to leave without telling.

I wanna tell you everything and I want you to tell me what's going on to your head. You're really hard to figure out. You never told me anything. I don't know if I just imagine it, but I know you feel the same way to. but you never told me. never.

and you're just one of those "what could've been's"

A taste of freedom. a two week report.

it's been two weeks since I got here. It's for vacation mostly. Everyone knows na kaya ako pumunta dito to visit my bestfriend and her daughter and my Bibi. I will be staying here for two months although pinayagan ako ng Homeland Security ng 6 months stay. If I'm crazy enough I can stay here until September. Not like my vacation two years ago, I'm just staying here in California. Plans of visiting some people will depend on my mood. joke. feel free to get in touch with me, my American friends. hahaha.

It's getting really boring. I wake up everyday at around 10am. cook breakfast (mostly eggs and bacon), have lunch in some restaurants nearby at around 3pm. dinner at 8pm. if i get lucky, i get to drink a bottle or two.
i've been to some places. like the Golden Gate Bridge, Lombard St, Lake Tahoe to see the snow for the first time. it was fun. =) feels like playing with sugar only you're freezing to death. ;) next week i'm going to Los Angeles to meet some friends. Been eating like a horse here. lamon ako ng lamon. ewan ko ba ginagawa akong patabaing baboy dito na kakatayin pagdating ng fiesta.

Ngayon ko lang nagawa ito kase busy ako. I'm so busy doing nothing. I'm here with Jeff sa City Library. nagaaral siya para sa exam niya next month. ako naman nagbabasa ng libro about Stars and Planets. oha! para hindi mapudpod ang utak. Okay naman ako dito. masaya. nageenjoy nga ako e. Iba nga talaga ang buhay Pinas at America. kalsada palang makikita mo na. hangin palang. pero madami din naman akong namimiss na Pinas ngayon. I kinda miss home sabi nga nila.

Ngayon ko lang naisip na Biyernes Santo pala. kita mo na. ang layo ko pala talaga.

Boring dito. you won't see people outside, Walang sari sari store to buy a piece of cigarettes. Cigarettes here are fucking mahal! gusto kong tumigil since I got here. I follow this one-stick-a-day routine. kita mo na kahit ako konyo na.

namimiss ko yung isaw, yung mausok na nagiihaw ng isaw. yung kwek kwek, yung maingay na kapitbahay na nagvivideoke, yung mga lasing sa kanto, nakakamiss. gusto mong pumunta ng mall? magdrive ka. hindi uso ang mga jeep at tricycle. malulula ka sa Cable TV mo dahil naguumapaw ang mga channels. sa dami, hindi mo na alam kung anong papanoorin mo, may Red Horse nga lasang tubig naman. walang Gin bulag. merong SKY VODKA. (sosyal!)

sabi ni Jeff lahat andito na sa America na. sabi ko hindi rin!

so next time ulit.