Oh shit.

You make my heart skip a beat. Not really a good feeling. But it seems so right. I will try hard to stop these feelings going on further. I know you're trouble. people like you always do.

Baker Beach - San Francisco, California

Yesterday, the boyfriend and I planned to stay indoors thinking that we can clean his house just in time for the movie. He's a huge Batman fan. There was a time at a mall that we almost bought this $30 worth of DJ headphones and sweater. Good thing I only have $20 in my wallet and the sweater is for girls only. I kinda dig the hoodie though. Well, we almost started cleaning the house until my best friend which happened to be my boyfriend's sister planned an impromptu trip to San Francisco... to that beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge from a distance. Thinking that it's a good time hanging out with his family, we decided to tag along. Plus, I wanted to use Diana, My Lomo cam whose been hanging out with the dust in his drawer.

It was a Sunny day Sunday yesterday but I had to wear a jacket because it's so windy. I always wear a jacket since I got here. I get chilly easily, I had to sleep with a comforter every night. The weird thing here is when it's Summer, its really really hot. Not like Manila-hot. When the weather reaches 80 degrees, you don't  want to go outside. It suffocates you, you don't get sweaty at all, but it's really hot. It melts your brains. But when night time comes, it's very cold. very weird huh?

I'm really not sure why but I noticed that the water here in California is really cold. I wanted to take a dip but nevermind. It's ice cold. I wonder if its like that in Florida. Now I wanted to go back in Boracay.

Anyway, here's some of the pictures taken yesterday. Actually Jeff's planning to take me here before heading back to Manila. Now, I got what I wanted. :)

I'M SMOKE FREE and I'm 24!

Celebrated my 24th birthday yesterday. I'm still here in California staying with my boyfriend and his family. It's been two months. We planned to go to downtown San Francisco. I planned to go thrifting but I started to have a bad case of sniffles. It was prolly because I got caught in the rain the other day and some symptoms of Nicotine Withdrawal. (that's right, I stopped smoking days ago.)

I woke up feeling really heavy. So there goes our trip to the north. Stayed in the bed until lunch time and headed to the South to Santa Cruz. T'was a very simple day. I don't want to make a fuss anyway. I didn't bother to have some friends and invited them for a drink to death party. I am way over that. And that what makes me really old huh?

Come to think of it, I am old. Old enough to make decisions with my life. I know I am but why am I scared? I'm in the other side of the planet and I'm afraid to tell my parents that I'm not going back anymore. (not yet.) I'm afraid to tell them that I'm planning to stay with Jeff. I'm afraid that they will get a ticket and go straight to the US and make me go home. (I had my share of those moments back in Highschool) I'm afraid that they would get mad at me and be disappointed. I don't want to do it again. I know there's no other way, I can't go back home and be away from him again. I mean, we're already together. I just don't know how to tell them. But I really have to right?

ugh. I'm having my quarter life crisis. It's not even a week after my birthday!

First of May.

I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I wish I am. i am about to do something really really hard. i know I'm not doing this alone because he's with me. But come to think of it, I've never been away from my parents for so long. it's been a month. My father is expecting me to go home by the end of this month. But I know that will never happen. I may have to stay here for the next six months. and once i am allowed to go, I will go home. I have to apologize. I really don't want to do this to them. but for Jeff, it's the only way for us to be together. It's just we don't want to wait for another year.

to tell you frankly, i'm scared. really scared. I'm thinking that we're not ready for this change. we may be physically and emotionally ready. but financially, I don't think we're not. would it matter? I know it does. 

I just hope he pass his exams. so he can get a regular job. that way, he can save money. he'll be able to support me for the mean time since i don't have a job yet. but when I get myself a good job, that's a different story. :) 

that's it for now. 

Spark.

I still think of you. I wish I can tell you that. You've never been out of my thoughts since I left. I wish I could tell you how hard it is for me to leave without telling.

I wanna tell you everything and I want you to tell me what's going on to your head. You're really hard to figure out. You never told me anything. I don't know if I just imagine it, but I know you feel the same way to. but you never told me. never.

and you're just one of those "what could've been's"

A taste of freedom. a two week report.

it's been two weeks since I got here. It's for vacation mostly. Everyone knows na kaya ako pumunta dito to visit my bestfriend and her daughter and my Bibi. I will be staying here for two months although pinayagan ako ng Homeland Security ng 6 months stay. If I'm crazy enough I can stay here until September. Not like my vacation two years ago, I'm just staying here in California. Plans of visiting some people will depend on my mood. joke. feel free to get in touch with me, my American friends. hahaha.

It's getting really boring. I wake up everyday at around 10am. cook breakfast (mostly eggs and bacon), have lunch in some restaurants nearby at around 3pm. dinner at 8pm. if i get lucky, i get to drink a bottle or two.
i've been to some places. like the Golden Gate Bridge, Lombard St, Lake Tahoe to see the snow for the first time. it was fun. =) feels like playing with sugar only you're freezing to death. ;) next week i'm going to Los Angeles to meet some friends. Been eating like a horse here. lamon ako ng lamon. ewan ko ba ginagawa akong patabaing baboy dito na kakatayin pagdating ng fiesta.

Ngayon ko lang nagawa ito kase busy ako. I'm so busy doing nothing. I'm here with Jeff sa City Library. nagaaral siya para sa exam niya next month. ako naman nagbabasa ng libro about Stars and Planets. oha! para hindi mapudpod ang utak. Okay naman ako dito. masaya. nageenjoy nga ako e. Iba nga talaga ang buhay Pinas at America. kalsada palang makikita mo na. hangin palang. pero madami din naman akong namimiss na Pinas ngayon. I kinda miss home sabi nga nila.

Ngayon ko lang naisip na Biyernes Santo pala. kita mo na. ang layo ko pala talaga.

Boring dito. you won't see people outside, Walang sari sari store to buy a piece of cigarettes. Cigarettes here are fucking mahal! gusto kong tumigil since I got here. I follow this one-stick-a-day routine. kita mo na kahit ako konyo na.

namimiss ko yung isaw, yung mausok na nagiihaw ng isaw. yung kwek kwek, yung maingay na kapitbahay na nagvivideoke, yung mga lasing sa kanto, nakakamiss. gusto mong pumunta ng mall? magdrive ka. hindi uso ang mga jeep at tricycle. malulula ka sa Cable TV mo dahil naguumapaw ang mga channels. sa dami, hindi mo na alam kung anong papanoorin mo, may Red Horse nga lasang tubig naman. walang Gin bulag. merong SKY VODKA. (sosyal!)

sabi ni Jeff lahat andito na sa America na. sabi ko hindi rin!

so next time ulit.

DRUNK POST.

It's around 9:30 in the evening. I'm drinking to force my body to sleep. I'm up for a week of morning shift  starting tomorrow. It's the last day of January. Tomorrow I'd have to wallow for the fact that my boyfriend's not gonna be here on V-day. But that's okay. If I can find someone to go out with. Of course I ain't doing that. 

I'm supposed to pass my resignation letter weeks ago but some of my colleagues at work is resigning as well, being a good employee, I decided to delay the parting not to make the transition difficult. (I know I'm not making any sense here.) 

There are time that I just want to go out of the city somewhere really far away... I just don't want to think. I want to clear my mind. I don't want to think of work, of how am I going to earn money to save up for my US trip, my not to long engagement with my boyfriend of one year and 4 months, my plans of living in another country. I just want to get out of all the stress. Oh how I wish I can do that. I just want to be with someone who's not going to be so judgmental. I want that person to listen. just listen. I don't need any opinions I know what to do. I know what I want in life. I just need someone. 

I don't have any problems. I just complicated things. that's what I'm good at. 

there. I've said everything. for now. 

13 more days.

fa la la la la~

I'm getting really excited that Christmas is coming once again. It's the time of the year again. Overflow of food and alcohol. Too bad I have work. I got more priorities unlike the last year. I'm working of Christmas day and New Year's eve. I feel a little bad because i've been planning to spend the holidays in the US with Jeff and his family. But we have to wait since we don't have enough money to come up with my trip. I will make sure that I can spend the next year's Yule with him. (Halllow! NYC!)

I'm here at the office waiting for my time out. My shift will be over in an hour and a half. It's my day off tomorrow and yeah! I can finally drink after a 6 long day at work. :D will stay up late so I can upload my second roll of Lomo film. I'm getting really addicted to this lomo thing-y.

Will get a new ipod touch on Wednesday.. a gift from ze boyfriend. ;)

EXCITED NA AKOOOOOOO!

Stealing the Internet in the Office.

Boarding Time. Flight's a little delayed due to late arrival. I was hoping I can go home early since I'm a little tired from this week's work. Good thing I got my car back, it only takes me an hour from work. Third day of December. 22 more days and it's Christmas time. I decided to work on Christmas day since i have nothing to do at home. i'm always working on New Year's Eve. I know It's gonig to be a different holiday for me this year. But it's okay.

I'll be fine. I'm just sad that he's still out there when i'm stuck here.

So I'm watching you on Facetime on mute.

I've been over thinking this past few days. Been making myself miserable because I miss him terribly. I think i'm growing tired of this long distance thing. That I want to do something other than to wait. I cannot wait any longer. I know I'm being a bitch for being so demanding. I know I'm not the only one who's having a hard time. But I don't care. This is what I feel. 

The deal was to wait for a year. It's been 5 months now. 

Patience Yeng! You can do this! 

Let's talk about my job, shall we...?

I'm working at the airport since February of this year. And I have a love-hate relationship with it. I was a frustrated pre-med student. I have a dead cat named, Paula and I ditched that course and took Tourism instead. It took me three years to finish that degree and I must say, no-brainer. LOL. I kid you not, it's easier to memorize the capitals of other countries than to memorize the anatomy of my neighbor's pet turtle. (yes, they have one.) 

Well, anyway. my job is simple, you go on time. Make sure the passengers get into their flight on time, that's basically it. i work in the ticket office so less hassle. except when we have delayed flights. We're not allowed to go home until the last plane goes airborne. :( Since it's all about office work, we take calls, make sure the every paper is in the right folder/file/drawer/box/. We make sure our supervisors are happy. so yeah. It's fun and at the same time exhausting. We get to meet different kinds of passengers as well, we have the MPOs (frequent flyers), the smart ones, the first timers, yung mga sabaw, the maasims, basically every one. 

here's one conversation with a passenger. 

Lady: (comes forward with her ticket on hand) 

Me: sige ma'am... ano pong gagawin natin?

Lady: Ma'am magpapa-stewardess po ako. 

Me: (stuck up) huh? magpapa-stewardess po? 

Lady: opo. 

Me: (stuck up parin) baka po gusto niyong magpa-STANDBY LIST. 

Lady: hindi po. STEW-WAR-DESS po. 

Me: (really confused) 

it went on and on. only to realized that she need a ground steward to assist her for her flight. She's a young passenger travelling alone. :/

so that's a day in the office I guess. 

I know I shouldn't hurry.

But I miss him. I can't wait to start another chapter. I can't wait to move from here to another place and have a new life. I'm excited to do new things, to meet new people, to have a new job, and I'm excited to be with him. 

This is me being impulsive. 

But believe me, I've never felt this sure my entire existence. I do have some doubts...sometimes. He knows that. I've been very often with my feelings. and it take some prying on his part. He knows I'm looking for the sense of security.  And there's  only one thing left to do. 

I guess I'll be staying here for the holidays. :( When I expected to have a white Christmas in NYC or somewhere. oh well, we always have next year. 

Cravings..

I'm stuck here at home because it's raining. How can I make most of my day off on times like these? :( I'm talking to bb who's in his friends how gulping on Corona and what's that I see there.... is that Kimchi?! (.....kill me nao)

I'm thinking of going to Izakaya Kikufuji. That's in Little Tokyo along Pasong Tamo, in Makati. That's one of the best Japanese Restaurant I've been to this year. (only second to Kimpura in Greenbelt 5) It's a cozy little place in a city like Makati. Friendly staff. First time I went there was with the family one Sunday afternoon. the place was jampacked. After our meal, I realized why. It was delish! Here's one of my favorite dish in the place.

It's Uni - Ikura Don. (Sea Urchin - Salmon Roe Rice topping)

I just can't get enough. Every time We're in this place, it's definitely in my order list! 1000 pesos is more than enough for two. Best place to bring someone who's in love with Japan's delectable cuisine.

Next on my list, is Maru Korean Restaurant in HK Sun Plaza, Diosdado Macapagal Blvd in 
Pasay. They have one recently opened in Robinson's Manila. The only Korean food that I'm familiar with is the Kimchi. That's until I went to Maru with Mom nearly 2 years ago. And this is where we celebrated my Graduation Lunch last year.

My ultimate favorite: Yukhoe Bibimbap. and Spicy Beancurd Soup.                                                                                                          

Now I'm stuck at home. Craving. UGH. 

Year One.

So we're celebrating our first year. I really can't say together.. but it's fine with me. I sent him a letter last week. It should be there by now. It's 8:30 PM in Manila. 5:30 AM in California. He was drunk with friends the other night. I wonder if he'll pick up my call. 


I'm very thankful. The moment I stepped out of his room, I know it'll never be the same again. The moment I realized that it's not just a "one-week-you'll-forget-me", I know my life will turn into something crazy, sappy and insane. But the heck.. at least I am happy. =) I'm very thankful he was able to put up with my insanity for 365(?) days. I still have no idea how he did that. I just hope he'll be the same for the next X number of days we are going to have. 

First Anniversary.

It's on the 23rd and I still haven't decided what to give him.

I only have 2000 worth of saving and I'm really planning to give him something precious. But with that little amount of money, how can I possibly get him something close to precious?

I don't want to settle with handwritten letter 'cause I've been sending him letters since then. I want to make this special. ugh. Now I feel bad having a job that gives you less than 10k a month. He's not really expecting for something but I wanna surprise him.

fml.

It's not the same.

Went to meet with a Highschool friend, Dan and his girlfriend, Denise last night at Makati. It was a rainy night good thing I brought an umbrella. Left the car at home because I'm on coding.

I was waiting for them for 30 minutes. It was fine until I realized that I'm all alone and the last time I was there I was with Him. Everywhere I look there's always a memory of us together. Now I realized that he's someone so far away and I'm here stuck, waiting.

yuck. emo ko.

I hate surprises.

If you're gonna surprise me just don't tell me you're going to. I don't like the feeling all excited for something I don't know. I hate feeling all giddy for something I don't know what.

So I have to wait for 2 years for that surprise? Whut??!!

I hope it's a Tiffany. 

FINALLY.

I get to have my 2 days rest after all the stress I went through because of the hurricane.

Our flights to New York got cancelled because of Irene. Good thing they put up a special flight for those people who got stranded. Every one's itching to get back because school starts on September. I'm glad every one will get back to their homes safe and sound.

God i'm so tired. That's why i'm gulping on this Tanduay Ice I got from the convenience store near my house. ahhhhhhhhh. so good! =)

Okay. I'm going now. =) 

Okay.

I'm still trying to make this blog a little more presentable. I'm not really the techie type who knows his way to htmls and codes. in fact my head is about to explode. I really want to add some gadgets (whatev you call that) here. But for now I shall eat.

I am such a boring person.

6,18

I'm here at the office. Thinking if I should be eating this ham and egg sandwich on my worktable.

I know I can't 'cause we're not alllowed to do it here. It's early in the morning and I still need sleep. Slept really late last night like around 1am. my work is at 6. Travel from my house to work is roughly 40 minutes. ugh. I feel so sleepy.

I miss my bed, my Hello Kitty pillow. (i should be eating right now) i don't feel so good. I think i'm getting a heart burn. Its too quiet all I hear is the sound of the printers and the big cooling thing in front of me. I'm waiting for something amazing to happen. like a day with no passengers. I hope no one goes here. I hope everything will be just fine. No offloaded, no expired tickets. everything going very smoothly.

I wish I can take the next flight to HKG and then SFO. I hope I don't have problems paying for it. I wish money is not the issue here. I hope that's easy. But its not.

*i wish I was filthy rich*

-this is me really bored.