Monday, December 31

Looking back. (Year end Special)

Every year, before the clock strikes to midnight, to bid goodbye to another year and to say hello to a new one, I look back and somehow try to say thank you to people, things and experiences I had may it be good or bad. 2012 has been good to me. Really. I have to say it's one of the best years I had so far. and fortunately, my years are starting to get better and better. :)

January: Thank You for giving me a fresh start. To grab more opportunities, to learn from my mistakes in the past years, to meet new friends, and just to live life the way it should be. Many times I've been complaining how exhausting my job can be but still You gave me the strength to wake up each morning todo what has to be done. Thank You for giving me a chance to meet people who taught me so much about life. For new friends that I can always turn to, for the old ones that stayed.

February: Ah... the month of Love. it was a bit disappointing, my Valentine still lives in the other side of the planet and well, can't spend the day with me. I'm still thankful that You gave me someone that can actually understand how insane I am. For letting me love someone wholeheartedly... never expecting to be loved this much as well. I know you have plans for us. That one time to be together permanently will come in Your time. I know it will because You my Lord you know what's for me.

March: To say Goodbye to friends and people who you knew cared for you as well is a bit sad. But I don't believe in goodbyes. The month I left my job to wander in another country. To see my bestfriend and her cute daughter, to be with my love of my life. The moment I saw him waiting for me at the airport as I clumsily push my cart, was the most wonderful feeling in the whole world. Its as if a weight has been lifted. All the sadness and longing in the past month didn't matter anymore because I'm seeing him with my own eyes and not just in the screen. The pain of the fact that you can't holding hi  at night when you're scared didn't matter because he's holding your hand. What mattered is that moment. I felt infinite.

April - May: It was nice to see different places, to do things you haven't done before, to go to places you've never been to. To have new friends. It's a difeerent life in the US. I know for a fact that I'm not really staying at all but it felt like I'm going to. I must say that I kinda learned how to be independent while I was there. That I have to clean after myself, to clean my room everyday, to have my laundry done every two weeks, Jeff even taught me how to cook. I learned how to change dirty diapers, to make a baby sleep. lots. oh. There was one time that I get to drive in the US. and it was way way way too different from here. totally. During those months I missed home. I miss my mother's voice shouting, my siblings fighting over whatever that is, my father, my cat. My room, my bed. My friends back home. yeah, I'm homesick. and the funny thing is, I'm going home anyway.

June: Just like last year, I get to spend it with Jeff. and this time I got really really sick prolly because of the weather. It was different. I've never felt that sick my entire life. not that I can recall. I can't sleep at night because I'm coughing non stop. I get chills. Jeff had to go to the drugstore to get me meds, I was sick for a month I think. One maybe because I decided to quit smoking. Withdrawal symptoms started to happened or something. Like always, I don't want my birthdays to be extravagant. I'm good with a few bottles of liquor and a little company. Jeff took me to out on a date. something we never really get to do since we always have the Facetime dates. I'm thankful for that. I'm really lucky to have him to take care of me even when I'm sick. To make me happy with the smallest of things. I'm such a lucky bitch.

July: His Birthday month. We get to celebrate it with his family and some friends. It's really fun considering Me going home the next month. He's unaware but every night, I have trouble sleeping because I'm getting all sad knowing that I'm not really staying and we to go back to our normal lives, living in different timezones. I tried to show him that it's fine but there are times that I just break down and cry.

August: Probably the saddest month of the year. My Grandes Vacances in California is about to end. here I cry every single night, I get nightmares, I get quiet, paranoid. A part of me wants to go home because of my family and friends but most part of me wants to stay with him. We had a long talk about it though which is the right thing to do. I can't stop crying at the airport til i got to HongKong. I'm pretty sure the guys next to me on the plane is confuse. or maybe thought i was stupid. I really don't want to go home. But I have to.

September - October - November: I call this the bum days. Literally. Okay, I was jet lagged and too depressed to go out of the house. I spent these months talking to my boyfriend hoping that some magic can make me go back in Milpitas. But I have to get my visa renewed thou... so boo.

December: Now this is better, the time I got hired for a position in a soon to open hotel and casino in Manila. well, I'm to be a receptionist for an Italian fine dining restaurant. Now, if you would ask me if I have any experience, the answer is not at all. What I know is some blah blahs in customer service. I'm still thankful they accepted me. I'm willing to go on training which will happen by the end of January next year. the hotel is to open on March. I just hope by that time, I know what to do. This month I also realize that my grand plans of having another vacation in the US will come to a halt since they refused to give me a visa. Ask the US consul, I'm still at loss why they did that. So I'm nagging Jeff to go here in manila, well, to spend time with his girlfriend. Then the alcoholic days began, and poof! I'm drunk. and that's what I do best.

2012 was really a blur for me since I spend it away from my usual environment but I'm very glad I did. I have no regrets on quitting my job and spending almost half a year doing my boyfriend's laundry in return of shopping non stop. I didn't regret of losing $400 in Vegas because I get to play in the snow. FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME. I'm still pissed about the visa thing but I'm still thankful 'cause I get to spend time with my boyfriend and had the chance to know him more. Now I am very sure that I want to spend my life with him. I don't mind spending 3 months being a bum cause I'm going to start a new job that pays a lot better than the previous one.

I'm not really sure what 2013 has in store for me, but I'm ready.

here's my middle finger, BRING IT ON!

Sunday, December 23

Hey You! Yeah, You!

Apparently, I am. *applause* I have to apologize especially to myself since I've been kinda lazy... Not kinda, I really am lazy. It's been almost 2 months since I last wrote. So that means, the family's computer's been down for quite sometime now. I really have to get that fixed.


For the latest, I am still unemployed. Well, about the last post... That job my father asked to squished me in, well. I sort of got it. *screams like a crazy person* I'm gonna be a Restaurant Hostess in an Italian outlet and I'll start training next year. I already have the contract with me and I must say.... It's a lot better than the last job I had. But really I'm thankful.

I don't think I'll be going back to the US of A anytime soon. I'm giving myself a year or two here before actually moving there for good. I told my mom about it and she supports my decisions but asked me to stay for a least a year to pull myself together. And besides I need to save some money. I'm 24 and unemployed. I only have less than 5,000 pesos in my wallet. I have no bank accounts whatsoever and I still live with my parents so that's kinda embarrassing.

Today's the 23rd and that marks our 27th month being together well not really. Right now, Bibi is with his friends prolly getting drunk with Tequila and Whisky. If you ask me how am I doing about being back here and him being there, well, I'm doing okay. I don't miss him that much anymore. Maybe at night when it's cold and dark and I need a teddy bear hug. We both know that eventually we'll find a way to be together even if it means of me going to the US Embassy and get my Fiancée visa. We have plans, but for now... We need $$$$$. And lots and lots of it. He's thinking of going here next year... Prolly on my birthday. A two to three week vacation sounds good. And that would depend on his work. So I hope, he gets a good three weeks worth of vacation. We always want to go to Cebu.

These past few weeks a lot has happened in this house which made me even close to my family especially to my mom. I realized that I can't really leave just yet. I still have some unfinished business and a lot of things to work out. But all in all, I'm still thankful that despite the hardships, we still manage to become as one.

Christmas Time is coming... The year's about to end. I've got no regrets this ear, actually it's one of the best years I had so far. I don't know what lies ahead on 2013, but I'm ready.