This is for you.

I wish I could take away his pain. I wish I can make him smile again. But, i'm the reason why he's sad right now. I wanted to tell him how sorry I am. But I don't where to start. PUTANGINA naman kase. I wanted to explain to him why I'm being like this. Pero ako mismo sa sarili ko hindi ko alam kung paano. Mixed emotions.
Namimiss ko siya. Why does he have to live so far away? Pero hindi lang naman ako yung nahihirapan e. Siya din. alam ko yun. Pero yung pakiramdam na andito lang ako sa Pilipinas. naghihintay. minsan nakakasawa na. Parang lahat inaasa ko sa kanya. Ayoko naman ng ganun kase syempre gusto ko din siyang tulungan. Pero eto, wala naman akong magawa. I have to rely on him lang. I feel somehow helpless. I'm tired of being Lois Lane. I wanna be Superman for a change.

Wala namang problema kay Jeff eh. Ako mismo yung problema. I have nothing against him. He's all I ever wanted. He's perfect. Wala akong masasabing masama sa kanya. Lahat gagawin niya para sa'kin. That's why it pains me tuwing masasaktan ko siya.

Ano ba talagang problema? I don't know. That's why humingi ako ng time sa kanya just to think. Ayokong makita niya akong emotionally damaged. Ayokong makita na ganito ako. Minsan pakiramdam ko nagiisa lang ako. kapag hindi ko siya kausap, wala ako. na walang kwenta ang buhay kapag wala si jep. Gusto ko naman na magenjoy ako sa buhay ko kahit magkalayo kami. Dati naman kaya kong gawin yun. Feeling ko masyado kong pinapaikot yung mundo ko sa kanya that's why pakiramdam ko wala ng kwenta ang lahat kapag wala siya. Gusto kong magkaroon ako ng time sa sarili ko. na habang hindi kami magkasama, hinanda ko yung sarili ko. Pero hindi e. nasisiraan ako ng bait kase ang layo layo niya at hindi ko man lang siya mahawakan. Gusto ko pag nagkita kami, okay na ako.. buo na ang loob ko. Na kaya ko na ibigay sa kanya lahat ng hindi nagdadalawang isip.
So ngayon.. magiisip muna ako.

Driving 101.

Wish ko lang sana lahat ng kalsada sa Metro Manila
ay kasing luwag ng SLEX tuwing 3 AM. 

Hindi naman talaga ako dapat nagmamaneho. Lapitin ako sa disgrasya, kakasero at higit sa lahat, tamad. Ayokong magdala ng sasakyan sa trabaho, mahal ang parking at mahal ang gas. Pero isang beses, na-snatch yung ipod na dala ko. Nasama narin pati yung name badge ko sa airport. Isinumpa ko yung kumuha nun. Wala na sana siyang bayag ngayon. Simula nung nangyari yun, hindi na ulit ako sumasakay sa pampublikong sasakyan (maliban nalang kung wala talaga akong choice.) Magulang ko parin ang nagbabayad ng pang-gas ko. medyo nakakahiya na nga e. kung iisipin, kapag ako ang nagbayad ng gas ko, wala ng matitira sa pangkain ko araw araw. Gasolina palang, ubos na. :(

Marami narin akong natutunan sa pagmamaneho. Na-master ko na ang magpark ng patalikod, parallel parking, makipag sabayan sa mga 10-wheeler na truck sa EDSA, mandarag ng mga tangang mamamayan na hindi alam kung saan ang tamang pedestrian lane. Kung hindi lang kasalanan ang pumatay, malamang marami na akong nasagasaan. Nakatulong pa ako sa over-population ng bansa natin.

Isa-isahin nalang natin yung natutunan ko.

• Huwag mag-drive ng inaantok/lasing/kinakabag/dina-diarrhea. 
• Iwasang makipag-unahan sa jeep. Makabangga ka man o mabangga ng jeep, ikaw parin ang talo. Wala kase silang pambayad sa fender mo. :( 
• Iwasang mag-yosi sa sasakyan/magdrive na bukas ang bintana. Mamaya wala na yung relos o singsing na suot mo. much worse, wala ka na palang kamay. 
• Makukulit yung mga Badjao na nanlilimos sa Sucat. (minsan para tumigil sila, nakikipagtitigan nalang ako. iniisip siguro nila mukha akong tanga.)
• Mas maigi nalang mag-Skyway kapag may bagyo. 
• Walang lugar sa Metro Manila ang hindi trapik. 
• Don't text and drive. Mahirap kaya yon! baka mawrong send ka pa. 
• Matutong gumamit ng busina. Karamihan sa mga Pilipino tanga. ginagamitan mo na nga ng yield/bliker (basta yung ilaw.) ayaw parin paawat. 
• Wag makisabay sa mga kaskaserong driver. Wala ka lang mapapala. Masasayang lang ang gas mo. 
• Kapag babae na nagmamaneho, dinadarag nila. Sorry... lalaki ako magdrive. 

At ang pinaka importante, Habaan ang pasensya sa daan. Madaming hayop sa kalsada, intindihin mo nalang. 

Safe Driving!

Looking back to College.

I miss a lot of things. It's just been a year. But it feels like a very long time. It's been six years ago. That was the first time I felt freedom. My parents had to pay a driver to get me to and from school way back in Highschool. Sure I can go with a school bus but Mom doesn't like the idea of me getting late because I'm the last stop.

When it was time for me to be on my own, the feeling's exhilarating. I didn't get to have a dorm like most of my classmates, I can get by commuting everyday.... and I love bus rides.

I miss everything College. Pep Rally when UAAP Season opens,  When I get to eat anywhere because I can go out of campus for lunch breaks, switching rooms every class and having a different set of classmates on each one of them, getting drunk on Friday nights, school tours, seminar, free cuts, school programs, holidays means no school days, term breaks, summer vacations, and everything has to do with studying.

When you finally get a job, that's when your life starts. Back then I told myself, "By the time I reach 25, that's when I'll earn my first million." Well, I'm 23 now. turning 24 in 6 months. and I have 4,500 pesos in my savings. I don't even have a saving account! I sometimes feel sorry for myself. I could've given my best. I should've focused more in studying. I could've listen more. But in the end, everything was my decision. I decided to drop out of college, it was decision to take on a different degree. Every night that I got drunk/stoned/slushed/wasted was my decision. And I'm not regretting any of it. If those things never happened, I wouldn't be this wiser. I may not earn my first million in half a year, but I am very positive that I'm going to have the life I've always dreamed of.

and by the time I reached 50, I'm in Prada admiring the beauty of Europe. =) 

Back when I can still join a beer drinking contest.
When all I can think of is boys, alcohol and whether to go to class
or not.
(I'm the one in a Khaki cargo)

13 more days.

fa la la la la~

I'm getting really excited that Christmas is coming once again. It's the time of the year again. Overflow of food and alcohol. Too bad I have work. I got more priorities unlike the last year. I'm working of Christmas day and New Year's eve. I feel a little bad because i've been planning to spend the holidays in the US with Jeff and his family. But we have to wait since we don't have enough money to come up with my trip. I will make sure that I can spend the next year's Yule with him. (Halllow! NYC!)

I'm here at the office waiting for my time out. My shift will be over in an hour and a half. It's my day off tomorrow and yeah! I can finally drink after a 6 long day at work. :D will stay up late so I can upload my second roll of Lomo film. I'm getting really addicted to this lomo thing-y.

Will get a new ipod touch on Wednesday.. a gift from ze boyfriend. ;)

EXCITED NA AKOOOOOOO!

My 2011 Christmas Wishlist.

Been doing this every year though I know I won't be getting all of it anytime soon. But the heck, I can dream.
It's a short list since I'm not really expecting anything for Christmas. Except for the 32 Gb Ipod Touch in White that someone promised me he'll get. (You know who you arrrrreeee..)

Been looking for a good Primer these past few months. I've been using the one from Revlon's and well, it's been very helpful but there are times that my skin feels so heavy after I put it on. i'm not sure if it's because I put a lot of gunk in my face. hmm.. It's a Mac, it suppose to be good. right?

Not really a fan until Boyfriend made we watched the Second Season. I don't have time watching TV! Well, I wished I had a copy of Fringe, and True Blood but... I'd settle for this one first. I've never felt this hooked in a series before. i'm not a Gossip Girl fan but I like Chuck Bass mind you. hehe. But really, I could use a new hobby. instead of sleeping my ass off on my day offs, maybe I can start watching TV instead.

Been planning to get this baby last month. But it's so expensive! I got a cheaper one from this Korean Store, Etude house but i'm am bit disappointed. The bristles started to fall off after using it twice plus it doesn't blend the foundation very well. :( I wanted to get a sponge but afraid that I might get allergies again since sponges get germs. i don't want to ruin my already ruined peyz. heh.

It's packed with tons monosodium glutamate in this can of Fried Onions! Boyfriend got this for me when he realized that I should get some new pulutan to pair up with my Tanduay Ice. I like Onion rings. no, I LOVE 'em. Well, it's like you onion rings but crushed and a lot more salty. it's good on top of your hot rice. you can put it in your veggie soup too if you like. I like to much on it while watching TV. or everytime I drink. I would love anyone who can get me a box of these! :D

Been a fan of Analog Photography ever since I laid my hands on my Diana Mini. Got a little frustrated when I found out that I can't change it's lens. but it's okay, she shoots really fine. Just when I thought Analog SLRS are cheap because of the huge demand for Digitals, i checked online for the price of this thing right here.. it's $399! Wow man. I could get a 64 Gb Ipod with it. well anyway, i still want to have it. I like the idea of not excitement when you shoot with a manual SLR. you don't get to see the actual picture until the negative are developed. 

I really really wanted to try Black and White Photography. 'nuff said. :D 

i don't feel like going to work tomorrow.

I'm here in my room, it's dusk and I'm in a dilemma whether to do something productive or just lay here in my bed and do nothing. We just finished watching The Exorcist. Juvi called me up to tell me that I'm on a mid-shift at work tomorrow since she has to go to the agency tomorrow for her work in Singapore. I really feel happy for her. I mean come on, every one wants to work abroad. Sabi nga nila, mas may future tayo sa labas ng Pilipinas.

Stealing the Internet in the Office.

Boarding Time. Flight's a little delayed due to late arrival. I was hoping I can go home early since I'm a little tired from this week's work. Good thing I got my car back, it only takes me an hour from work. Third day of December. 22 more days and it's Christmas time. I decided to work on Christmas day since i have nothing to do at home. i'm always working on New Year's Eve. I know It's gonig to be a different holiday for me this year. But it's okay.

I'll be fine. I'm just sad that he's still out there when i'm stuck here.