Ganun nalang yon?

Huling araw ng buwan. Bukasm magbibilang na ako. ilang linggo nalang sasakyan na naman ako sa eroplano. mahabang biyahe pauwi. Dapat noon ko pa ginawa 'to e. yun lang hindi ko pa kaya. Hindi ko pa kayang magligpit ng mga damit ko. Nung mga panahong nasa Pilipinas pa ako at hindi pa kami magkasama, pinangako ko na yung araw na magkikita kami ulit, yun na yun. wala ng iwanan. Pero eto ako ngayon, sinusubukan kong pigilan ang oras.

Hindi ko mapigilan. kapag tinitignan ko siya, nasasaktan ako. Sa mga oras na ito, hindi ko din mapigilan mga luha ko. para akong tanga. Kung iisipin ko, ilang gabi nalang ba yung natitira bago ako umalis? Babalik na naman ako sa kwarto ko ng mag-isa, sa iPad ko na naman siya makikita. Hindi ko na naman siya mahahawakan, maamoy, kailangan ko pang maghintay ng ilang oras bago siya makita dahil sa magkaibang oras na naman kami. Magkalayo na naman. Nasasaktan ako sa tuwing titignan ko siya, Kumikirot yung puso sa tuwing naiisip ko yung araw na yun. Ang buong akala ko kase eto na e. Na hindi na kami magkakahiwalay, na wala ng iiyak, wala ng masasaktan, wala ng magpapaalam.

Sino ba ako para pigilan ang oras? kung pwede ko lang ibalik lahat sa gabing dumating ako dito. Malamig nung gabing yun. pagod na ako, inaantok. Kinakabahan. Makalipas ng walong buwan makikita ko narin siya ulit. Makalipas ng dalawang taon, nakabalik na naman ako sa America. Mahaba pa yung buhok niya nung nakita ko siya, nagulat pa nga ako kase ang laki ng tinaba niya. Iba siya sa nakita ko sa internet. Eto na siya, sa harap ko. Isa yun sa pinakamasayang araw sa buhay ko. Kaya nga nalulungkot ako ngayon e. Kase matatapos na yun.

Sabi niya, dapat maging malakas ako. Dapat hindi ako malungkot. Na saglit lang yung panahon na magkakahiwalay kami. Magiipon lang daw siya pagkatapos nun, kukunin na niya ako ulit, na siguro kapag sinuwerte, mga isang taon lang ang hihintayin namin. Naisip ko, maghiwalay man kami, walang magbabago. Hindi man kami magkasama, alam kong kami parin sa huli. Iisipin ko nalang na magbabakasyon ako tapos babalik din ako dito sa Amerika.

Putangina. Ang hirap. Sobrang hirap.

Currently.

So here's what I've been doing this past few days. . 

Visit my site here.

Twenty - Second.

If you try to count monthly, today is our 22nd month together. and my 4th month here. Next month will be the last. I know I shouldn't be getting sad, but every time that day comes close, I get a very very sad feeling. I really don't know what will I do without him. I mean, I got really used to with him around all the time.

sigh.

We may have petty fights all the time, he may annoy me most times, but I know I will miss every ounce of it. Do I really have to go? I love every inch of it. He may be fat, and crazy. But he's my fat and crazy.

I guess it's gonna be back to normal in a few days. It's gonna be hard once again. But I will try and I won't stop. I'll be strong. Wait for me, baby. When that time comes, I'll be yours... finally. :)

I'm writing again...

... these letters to you, on much I know.

To realize that I still think of you after all this time. I wonder where you are and how things are going for you. Good things, such good memories they haunt me. But in a good way. It's as if I'm wishing for it to happen again.

But I know it will not. Every smile, every conversation, every feeling. It was only just a dream. 

Baker Beach - San Francisco, California

Yesterday, the boyfriend and I planned to stay indoors thinking that we can clean his house just in time for the movie. He's a huge Batman fan. There was a time at a mall that we almost bought this $30 worth of DJ headphones and sweater. Good thing I only have $20 in my wallet and the sweater is for girls only. I kinda dig the hoodie though. Well, we almost started cleaning the house until my best friend which happened to be my boyfriend's sister planned an impromptu trip to San Francisco... to that beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge from a distance. Thinking that it's a good time hanging out with his family, we decided to tag along. Plus, I wanted to use Diana, My Lomo cam whose been hanging out with the dust in his drawer.

It was a Sunny day Sunday yesterday but I had to wear a jacket because it's so windy. I always wear a jacket since I got here. I get chilly easily, I had to sleep with a comforter every night. The weird thing here is when it's Summer, its really really hot. Not like Manila-hot. When the weather reaches 80 degrees, you don't  want to go outside. It suffocates you, you don't get sweaty at all, but it's really hot. It melts your brains. But when night time comes, it's very cold. very weird huh?

I'm really not sure why but I noticed that the water here in California is really cold. I wanted to take a dip but nevermind. It's ice cold. I wonder if its like that in Florida. Now I wanted to go back in Boracay.

Anyway, here's some of the pictures taken yesterday. Actually Jeff's planning to take me here before heading back to Manila. Now, I got what I wanted. :)

The countdown starts..

I only have a month to go then I'll be heading back to Manila. There goes my plans of staying here for good. The parents asked me to go back so they can re-new their US visa. So I can too. They told me I can always go back once I got a new visa. Come to think of it, I've got nothing to do here so why waste time doing nothing? I can't even work here. But to be honest, since I'm staying away from home, I learn to quite few things. The boyfriend taught me how to cook, I do his laundry and mine every two weeks (or whenever I need a new set of undies), I learn to change soiled diapers (my bestfriend has a one year old tot now) that's just some of the things but basically I learned how to do things on my own. I felt like I can be organized not only at work. hihihi.. I'm a bit O-C at my workplace.

I wonder... when I get home, it's gonna be back to normal. I'm going to be that boring person again going out every afternoon to the mall getting Takoyaki and Yakisoba. Drinking Tanduay Ice every other night while munching on chicharong bulaklak. I'll be that boring girl waiting for her Ipad to ring. I'll stay up all night just to wait for him to wake up. There's that time difference again. <I'm hearing Simple Plan's song in the background>

Been doing mental plans for that day too. On what to do when I get back home. I'm planning to get some stuff so I can decorate my room. Thinking of what to do during my free time. maybe some books. <sigh>

Maybe I'll go road tripping? I don't know. Maybe get a job? hehehe.

I don't really wanna go home. everyone knows that. I'm trying to be optimistic by thinking that when I go home, I can pimp my room. Thinking that I can hang out with my friends again. That I can have kwek kwek and Takoyaki with that cold Tanduay Ice. I don't want to but I have to. That's two different things I guess.

Jeff and I have plans of living together and we need to straighten out some things. sa madaling salita, kailangan namin ng pera. Like business we need capital to start a life. So basically that's the reason why I have to go home. While I'm here he can't save money (lalo na ako... bilmoko ako e) and I can't get a job here anyway..  so yeah.. that's the reason..  14.2


I hope everything will be better. We'll be apart for I don't know how long... and I am not sure what it'll do for me. Hope it won't last long. 

What's it like?

So, the last time I wrote about me being away from home was like 3 months ago. next month I'll be heading back home. back to my usual lifestyle. But until the plane I'm taking gets here, I shall make the most out of it. I've kinda adjusted here. But to be frank, I'm still a sissy when it comes to talking to strangers, from the neighbors to the Vietnamese girl at Lee's Sandwiches. I am not even sure if she's Vietnamese! I don't know, maybe that what's wrong with me. I am really shy. okay. But i'm aside from that I'm doing just fine.

I've been making mental plans about how to get through life for the next few months because I'm pretty sure it's going to be a long long long wait for me to get my ass back here. To be honest, yeah... I have plans of staying here for good. COME ON! this is America for crying out loud. who wouldn't want to live here if they have a chance? 

It's just that right now, I feel really sad at the thought of living away from him for the next i-don't-know-and-i-have-no-idea-how-long x number of months. If my visa application will go smoothly maybe by the middle of next year. But I am positive that I won't be able to celebrate Christmas here. 

But for now, it's time to watch another movie.